Hidden secrets

Hidden secrets
He told me lots of his his hidden secrets of his past
as he trusted me as his partner.
he still can trust me ,
but with the paranoia of his drug addition
he trust no one!
He has not a kind pass you cant live with a pass like that.
Drugs and Drinking could not numb the grief of this monster past.
This Monster suffers so much pain and anger inside of him that he keeps wanting to bring me back home to him and Lock me up in his world to control me his way with his anger.
As he is a very angry Man!
And very mean man I kept telling him...
He did not like hearing that at all...
I think it made him more angry at me.
I would keep telling him over and over.
One time ,  after a trip home in the truck of him drinking and screaming and passing cars on a single lane tying to scare my son and I..
He would laugh and think it was funny because he has done this shit many of times on his bike...
in fact he went head on into a truck with his bike and almost loss his leg.
that's how he gets free drugs today from the doctors he tells me ..he just has to show them his scar and he laughs...
But one hidden secret I will let out and let all to know..
he has been after me for a while about it.
Never been a snitch... but for what my husband has put me threw and done to my son and I
Turning the tables on me after abusing me for so long
I have giving him many chances to go and get help,
 I supported him with his drug addition.
He stolen all that I have when he had nothing .
 Now he has all and I am left homeless with my child and I.
I have nothing to lose today do I ?
Well because of the many of abuse I was trying to leave this monster.
  He would not let me go.
As I was Told I would be put six feet under if I left this HIM.
  THATs was when my nitemare begun that Sept 08
  It just gotten worse from there on .
 I saw that the man I married turned into a Monster.. he was not John..
I would say to him Where is my john?
Who is this person?
This is not my John!
 That's when my world change and I started cutting back my friends and family
because of embarrassment on how he would have personality changes when he would take his drugs
 It would get real Uggly and bad at night when we were home all alone.
At night  is where I needed to be awake and alert for his craziness.
 But is was wearing me down.
I had enough one day and wanted to leave .
 I tried many times and he aways stop me...
This time I told him N.
 And held something on him and he did not like that..
And in a week he pleaded me back and said he would do anything to make it work.
Stop the pills and drugs .
Have e-mail to show it today but that only lasted for two weeks with john and the monster came back out again.
And time went on and I notice That I was becoming Ill and going in and out of hospitals and fighting infections and not knowing what the hell was going on with my body.
And also one morning I woke up and found my hip was hurting and bruise and only told my mother that I felt like i was stuck with a needle with something.(funny john said something in court about that but with my daughter).
So many strange things happen from there on.
One day while I was making breakfast and I was flipping the pancakes and I was talking to John while he was sitting down..He turn and said to me ....
Do you know I can have you put in jail for pointing that at me and have your son taking away from you!,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
My stomach dropped right then and there....
I knew I was in danger....
I pleaded with my mother for my son and i to come stay there..
She turn to me and told me .He is studying the bible now , work it out..
I was in so much fear for my son and I
I was getting sicker and at the little church I was attending  he would follow me there  too ,
John would tell the people at the church that I am ill and he is taking care of me and my son.
And I notice every one coming up to me asking how I am feeling ,not knowing at the time I was ill from the poison.
With in a week on a Friday I ended up in the hospital feeling of numbness all over my
  body and my heart racing .
Later the next Day I was sent home for bed rest and Sunday came..
The Day he was acting weird.
 That was the day he lied and set me up .
 I was taken in to jail and booked and charged for he was in fear that all  his hidden secrets were to come out.
Because he knew I was at the point I had enough.
He done this to save his ASS  instead of facing his deamons inside of himself.
As for the poison I was so ill and my nervous system was so bad that I must of looked like a drug addict to the police ..
But with no drugs in my system because we have reports from the hospital saying that.
How was he giving it to me I'm not sure... was it my coffee ,food .. was it the needle... he can get the stuff at the horse and feed place...
I remember my favorite horse died so sudden .. I couldn't understand why,,,, did he try it on Rocket first?
He had a habit of hurting things that I loved
That is why he hated my son so much and hurt him,
Well the reasoning why he was slowly trying to kill me and arsenic is hard to prove but it was in my blood and my sons blood.
But one of my threats I told him because he was holding me as a hostage in the middle of no where out in the desert with a 6 foot chain link fence around it so my son and I could not get out with a censor alarm every time you would go near the opening of the gate..
And when he was high scaring me telling me he was going to lock me up in the container .
No one can hear you scream and if they do ..they don't care,,,,,because you are in the middle of nowhere...  Your business is your business in that crazy ass small town.
So don't you think its worth telling my secret that i have over this man, I have nothing to lose ,
He took everything from my son and I and still is.... he has taking my time in life away from my children... my time is cut short now because of my health.
.I only have tomorrow and I try to live it well but there is days I just break down and cry...
I had so much.. I have nothing to day ...
The other day I trying to get my belonging back from john , drove all the way out to AZ ,,he promise he was going to drop stuff off with the trailer and once again he played his games..
He call the 3rd party up and told them plans changed and hung up ..
I guess to just get me out there!
So this is how this man plays......
But I'm not doing this to play his game...
 I'm doing this to keep myself alive..
 If anything happens to my son and I hopefully someone out there hears me...
I guess its who you know today for anyone to help you in the courts or the system.